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I really feel like I should have something to say.
And I know that I do, but I don't know if I want to say it, of if I could phrase it just right, or if it's something that I could even put into words.

It's probably not.

But at the same time, I'm probably just a coward.

I really wish I could have a moment where I could just feel purely happy. But it seems like there's something that's always weighing me down in some way. I know I've been close...but then again what the hell is happiness anyway? How do I know that I haven't been "happy" if I've never felt anything stronger? Maybe "happiness" is just feeling good for a while. Maybe it doesn't mean that you have to feel completely carefree or whatever, or else it would be called carefree. I'm always going to feel guilt, or anger, or sadness, or something like that because those seem to be the emotions that follow me around all the time.

But then why does the word "happiness" even exist? Isn't it supposed to be some purely good emotion? Something that isn't just "careefree" but something more?

The word exists because you can't describe it. It was made by people who can't feel it, or who haven't felt it. It's like love. I really don't like words like that. Happy, love, hate, whatever. Some "strong emotion." If it's so strong then why do we need a word for it? It's for those of us who don't know what it is. The word is it's description.

I had a clarinet recital and then my family got into a fight.

There are always things like that that happen to me all the time.

The recital actually went really well. But then we didn't get ice cream.

I got through the piece and didn't mess up too badly. That doesn't always happen. I was pretty proud of it. But I didn't get any kind of "good job." All that I got was a lecture about my conversation skills.

And of course there's the guilt. But we all know that story.