How true it is that we, as humans, are doomed to resort to words.
I have almost officially finished my year, and with that I have almost finished AP English.
What a fufilling class that was. I have learned so much from it, but not only about reading and such, but about life. I was not expecting that when I signed up for it last year.
I can't write poetry. And as Frost said, I probably shouldn't learn. It's not a medium that I'm all that great at exploring. I can't make people come close to my words like that.
But I can write prose.
And so I will.
I don't think that people ever seem to understand me, at least not by my actions. Which is terrible, because actions are all that really matter. I agree entirely with what Addie said by this point.
Especially on the topic of love.
You can say "I love you" but that means almost nothing. Unfortunately, it's just about the best thing that one can say. But it means nothing. "Love" is just a word that people who can't love came up with. I don't know how I feel, but I know it's not love. I know that because it's not something that can be described with words. I can say it's some kind of strong emotion that I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try. I can say that I don't want to get rid of it and couldn't even if I wanted to. There are so many things I can say.
But they don't really mean anything.
Not to anyone else.
All I can do is bring you close.
People talk about things like Love, True Love, Unconditional Love, Friend Love, Familial Love, but what the hell matters?
None if it is real, not if you can pin it down with a word or two.
I can't say how I feel about my friends like that. I can't say why I "love" them. It's just something. Something that I feel and do.
And I can't say why I "love" him, or that I do. Because that would be a lie. It's an action, not a word. It's an art that can never be fully expressed. Not in words, not in paintings, not in music.
All we can do is bring you close.
We can act it out all we want. It's an action, a feeling.
But we are doomed to resort to words.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Password
I couldn't remember my password >.>
I never realized just how good grapefruit flavoured soda water was.
I wish I had done my homework, but I don't actually care all that much.
I feel quite satisfied right now.
I really don't have much to say...
I should be doing a reflection for English. It's an extremely important one too, so it would be good to do a nice job on it. Plus I feel like it might be beneficial to do it...
It could almost be like a blog...
I just realized how much this is like McCarthy.
I always tend to start with the completely literal,
I don't put stupid symbols or shit like that in.
But if they form on their own, then that's just perfect.
And they will.
I finished reading As I Lay Dying. I think Darl might be schitzophrenic. And I'm just giving him the name Darl, because...Well, it would make the most sense. Kinda anyway.
I really should be writing this in my journal, but I have a feeling my teacher won't really like it if I were to diagnose him like I did with Cash. But I'm pretty sure it's right (like I was with Cash), and it's not even much of a leap. The whole book deals with identity and identity crisises (sp?). And Darl does go nuts at the end. What if the whole thing wasn't real?
But then again, what the hell is real? Am I real? Is anybody else? Are they all just some creation from my mind?
How could that not be possible?
I think the answer is telekenisis.
You master that and you master the world.
And I'm pretty sure I know how.
The trick is in the execution.
I never realized just how good grapefruit flavoured soda water was.
I wish I had done my homework, but I don't actually care all that much.
I feel quite satisfied right now.
I really don't have much to say...
I should be doing a reflection for English. It's an extremely important one too, so it would be good to do a nice job on it. Plus I feel like it might be beneficial to do it...
It could almost be like a blog...
I just realized how much this is like McCarthy.
I always tend to start with the completely literal,
I don't put stupid symbols or shit like that in.
But if they form on their own, then that's just perfect.
And they will.
I finished reading As I Lay Dying. I think Darl might be schitzophrenic. And I'm just giving him the name Darl, because...Well, it would make the most sense. Kinda anyway.
I really should be writing this in my journal, but I have a feeling my teacher won't really like it if I were to diagnose him like I did with Cash. But I'm pretty sure it's right (like I was with Cash), and it's not even much of a leap. The whole book deals with identity and identity crisises (sp?). And Darl does go nuts at the end. What if the whole thing wasn't real?
But then again, what the hell is real? Am I real? Is anybody else? Are they all just some creation from my mind?
How could that not be possible?
I think the answer is telekenisis.
You master that and you master the world.
And I'm pretty sure I know how.
The trick is in the execution.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Earthbound
I feel like I might have used that as a title before, but I have no idea when I would have.
Doesn't make much sense.
But anyway, I played Earthbound for over 6 hours straight yesterday. It was wonderful. I wish we had gotten to start earlier, but that's just the way it goes, I suppose.
We got to Threed before we had to stop playing. I was hoping we could get to Moonside, and we would have been able to had we started earlier, but we were playing until almost midnight and had to stop.
It was just as awesome that it was in Japanese. Though we lost some of the amazing dialogue, we had some really cool people there who could read most of it. I was thouroughly (I have absolutely no idea how to spell that) impressed.
But I ate way too much yesterday, and too much today after having eaten so much. I feel really gross. Went on the elliptical with the intent of listening to an entire Pain album before I would stop...I got through 2 and a half songs.
I wish I had more willpower. I know that I have SOME, and that if something is really important to me I can stop myself. So why isn't this more important to me. It always gets me down, and I always feel bad afterwards. So many negatives.
I think I'm an addict.
Maybe it's because I'm so alone with it. Nobody seems to tell me "you should do this" or "you can do this" or even "you couldn't do it."
I can't do it just for myself I guess.
Perhaps that's an allegory.
But we don't need to get into that.
That really made a lot of sense. I'm sure I would feel the same way. But she's handling it much better than I'm sure I would. I think it's more than just kind of amazing.
So this is what I'm doing instead of my Junior Theme.
I think this is more important.
I want to say thank you.
I had typed out more, but it's all unnecessary babble.
Thank you.
Doesn't make much sense.
But anyway, I played Earthbound for over 6 hours straight yesterday. It was wonderful. I wish we had gotten to start earlier, but that's just the way it goes, I suppose.
We got to Threed before we had to stop playing. I was hoping we could get to Moonside, and we would have been able to had we started earlier, but we were playing until almost midnight and had to stop.
It was just as awesome that it was in Japanese. Though we lost some of the amazing dialogue, we had some really cool people there who could read most of it. I was thouroughly (I have absolutely no idea how to spell that) impressed.
But I ate way too much yesterday, and too much today after having eaten so much. I feel really gross. Went on the elliptical with the intent of listening to an entire Pain album before I would stop...I got through 2 and a half songs.
I wish I had more willpower. I know that I have SOME, and that if something is really important to me I can stop myself. So why isn't this more important to me. It always gets me down, and I always feel bad afterwards. So many negatives.
I think I'm an addict.
Maybe it's because I'm so alone with it. Nobody seems to tell me "you should do this" or "you can do this" or even "you couldn't do it."
I can't do it just for myself I guess.
Perhaps that's an allegory.
But we don't need to get into that.
That really made a lot of sense. I'm sure I would feel the same way. But she's handling it much better than I'm sure I would. I think it's more than just kind of amazing.
So this is what I'm doing instead of my Junior Theme.
I think this is more important.
I want to say thank you.
I had typed out more, but it's all unnecessary babble.
Thank you.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Torrent
I have spent two days of my computer time downloading a 49 track fan-made album of remixes of Earthbound tracks.
Why would I do something like this? When I could have been doing homework that I really need to do, and that would have saved me a lot of time this weekend, I read up on my Earthbound on Wikipedia and chanced upon the words "Free album, Bound Together." So, being the total geek that I am, I clicked on the link. It had a great picture of Earthbound stuff on the page, and then a link saying "Free Torrent." I've never torrented anything before, so I had to download a program that would let me use it. So I spent 2 hours or so doing all of that, only to discover that I would have to wait another 3 and a half hours to listen to the damn thing.
So, I left it on all night and let it go. And then I didn't get a chance to go on the computer after that until now.
And guess what.
IT'S AMAZING
I had to go through so much work to get it on the pod though. Deleted some old Ben music that I never listened to to make room for it.
Replacing old with old new. I find that interesting.
Why am I so obsessed with nostalgia? Earthbound is a 1994-5 Super Nintendo game. It's not well known, and usually the only way a common person who enjoys video games at least a little would know it is from Super Smash Bros. It's just a cult classic. It's not even my favourite video game.
But it's so weird. Maybe it's because it's so unknown that I love it. Zelda is amazing of course, but most people have played/heard of it. Even people who don't frequent Nintendo so much.
But back to the nostalgia.
Why does it matter so much to me? Why am I living back in the 90's?
Maybe it's because I'm the youngest. I got to see quite a bit of high school from my sisters, and that's when they were in it. And it seemed so...amazing coming from them. Maybe that's what I wanted.
Who knows?
And probably, who the hell cares?
I don't like forgetting things. Who wants to forget? It makes little sense to me. If you forget then you don't learn. And while some things may have sucked, I think it just makes you who you are if you remember, or try to remember everything that has happened in your past.
Even if I wish some things had not happened, I hope I never forget them.
Even if they make me sad, or jealous, or angry, or whatever, I want my memories to linger. As long as possible.
The past is too important to me.
Without the past there is no future.
Why would I do something like this? When I could have been doing homework that I really need to do, and that would have saved me a lot of time this weekend, I read up on my Earthbound on Wikipedia and chanced upon the words "Free album, Bound Together." So, being the total geek that I am, I clicked on the link. It had a great picture of Earthbound stuff on the page, and then a link saying "Free Torrent." I've never torrented anything before, so I had to download a program that would let me use it. So I spent 2 hours or so doing all of that, only to discover that I would have to wait another 3 and a half hours to listen to the damn thing.
So, I left it on all night and let it go. And then I didn't get a chance to go on the computer after that until now.
And guess what.
IT'S AMAZING
I had to go through so much work to get it on the pod though. Deleted some old Ben music that I never listened to to make room for it.
Replacing old with old new. I find that interesting.
Why am I so obsessed with nostalgia? Earthbound is a 1994-5 Super Nintendo game. It's not well known, and usually the only way a common person who enjoys video games at least a little would know it is from Super Smash Bros. It's just a cult classic. It's not even my favourite video game.
But it's so weird. Maybe it's because it's so unknown that I love it. Zelda is amazing of course, but most people have played/heard of it. Even people who don't frequent Nintendo so much.
But back to the nostalgia.
Why does it matter so much to me? Why am I living back in the 90's?
Maybe it's because I'm the youngest. I got to see quite a bit of high school from my sisters, and that's when they were in it. And it seemed so...amazing coming from them. Maybe that's what I wanted.
Who knows?
And probably, who the hell cares?
I don't like forgetting things. Who wants to forget? It makes little sense to me. If you forget then you don't learn. And while some things may have sucked, I think it just makes you who you are if you remember, or try to remember everything that has happened in your past.
Even if I wish some things had not happened, I hope I never forget them.
Even if they make me sad, or jealous, or angry, or whatever, I want my memories to linger. As long as possible.
The past is too important to me.
Without the past there is no future.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Acen
It was fun. What more can I say?
I wish I had bought more, which is strange for me to say. Usually it's "Why did I spend so much money?"
Which I guess is an allegory. That I've lost, or at least am losing prior...I guess morals (though I don't think that's quite the right word).
But I'm not so sure how bad that is.
I'm not so sure about a lot of things lately.
And I'm sorry this syntax is so screwy.
I just realized a kid from St. Francis isn't blocked on my buddy list, and I really have no idea how that happened. I specifically remember going and blocking all of them
It's weird how that part of my life seems to mean nothing now. Given how shitty it was, one might think it would mean more to me. Maybe it does, and maybe it has effected me a lot more than I can tell. But nowadays I barely give that place a second thought.
And of course there are reasons about why.
I hate that I complain so much. I have so few real reasons to.
But I wish I were more fun. I wish that people actually wanted to be around me. That they would invite me places without me having to call them first. And this isn't meant to be specifically to a certain person, just in general. Usually I have to invite myself places, or else people would go on about their daily life. They wouldn't care that I wasn't there.
But why would they? Really? I'm not that interesting or fun, at least not anymore. I don't do anything crazy, and I'm much more inhibited than I used to be.
And it all sucks, because I'm pretty sure I know why, but I just can't fix it.
I wish I had been there in the past. I wish I had been a bigger part of the lives of people who have made such a big impact on my life. But no.
The past has sucked.
So why do I love it so much?
I wish I had bought more, which is strange for me to say. Usually it's "Why did I spend so much money?"
Which I guess is an allegory. That I've lost, or at least am losing prior...I guess morals (though I don't think that's quite the right word).
But I'm not so sure how bad that is.
I'm not so sure about a lot of things lately.
And I'm sorry this syntax is so screwy.
I just realized a kid from St. Francis isn't blocked on my buddy list, and I really have no idea how that happened. I specifically remember going and blocking all of them
It's weird how that part of my life seems to mean nothing now. Given how shitty it was, one might think it would mean more to me. Maybe it does, and maybe it has effected me a lot more than I can tell. But nowadays I barely give that place a second thought.
And of course there are reasons about why.
I hate that I complain so much. I have so few real reasons to.
But I wish I were more fun. I wish that people actually wanted to be around me. That they would invite me places without me having to call them first. And this isn't meant to be specifically to a certain person, just in general. Usually I have to invite myself places, or else people would go on about their daily life. They wouldn't care that I wasn't there.
But why would they? Really? I'm not that interesting or fun, at least not anymore. I don't do anything crazy, and I'm much more inhibited than I used to be.
And it all sucks, because I'm pretty sure I know why, but I just can't fix it.
I wish I had been there in the past. I wish I had been a bigger part of the lives of people who have made such a big impact on my life. But no.
The past has sucked.
So why do I love it so much?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Vibrato
I've been working really hard lately on developing my vibrato.
It shows up sometimes, but only when I'm like, driving alone in my car belting out "A Part of That" while the radio plays something else stupid and irrelevant. Of course it doesn't show up during my voice lessons while I'm singing the same damn song. It makes no sense whatsoever, as I'm completely comfortable around my teacher. Actually, I think he's a really cool guy. He's all into old-school video games (And Zelda just so happens to be his favourite). We had a lesson once when we just talked about games the entire time. It was great, but a total waste of 25 dollars.
How allegorical, right?
I really wish I weren't so awkward around him, or everyone. But my mind always just seems to go blank, and I get nervous for no reason. And then I just start hitting things to be playful, or whatever it is.
It makes making new friends difficult. I'm awkward sometimes around the current ones, but they all rock so much that they wouldn't leave me for that. They just don't like to take me along to meet their other friends. So I feel pretty stuck, because nobody new wants to meet me.
And it makes me feel very unintelligent too. Like I have absolutely no idea what's going on, or what to do, or that my mind just doesn't have anything going on. But I know that's not true. Yeah, I may not be the smartest person ever, but I know that I have some pretty intelligent thoughts going on in here.
And maybe that explains why I can never seem to say anything intelligent during English or whatever. I get kinda nervous, and therefore awkward. And then I feel dumb because other people don't and they can think on their feet and they aren't awkward around everyone or their boyfriend or their ex or their friends and they don't have random people thinking they're an idiot because they can't think of anything to say so they stand there with their arms crossed and a goofy smile plastered on their face so that they seem less awkward and and just get more nervous.
Run-on sentences are fun.
Oh modernism.
I have a feeling I don't know the whole story.
It shows up sometimes, but only when I'm like, driving alone in my car belting out "A Part of That" while the radio plays something else stupid and irrelevant. Of course it doesn't show up during my voice lessons while I'm singing the same damn song. It makes no sense whatsoever, as I'm completely comfortable around my teacher. Actually, I think he's a really cool guy. He's all into old-school video games (And Zelda just so happens to be his favourite). We had a lesson once when we just talked about games the entire time. It was great, but a total waste of 25 dollars.
How allegorical, right?
I really wish I weren't so awkward around him, or everyone. But my mind always just seems to go blank, and I get nervous for no reason. And then I just start hitting things to be playful, or whatever it is.
It makes making new friends difficult. I'm awkward sometimes around the current ones, but they all rock so much that they wouldn't leave me for that. They just don't like to take me along to meet their other friends. So I feel pretty stuck, because nobody new wants to meet me.
And it makes me feel very unintelligent too. Like I have absolutely no idea what's going on, or what to do, or that my mind just doesn't have anything going on. But I know that's not true. Yeah, I may not be the smartest person ever, but I know that I have some pretty intelligent thoughts going on in here.
And maybe that explains why I can never seem to say anything intelligent during English or whatever. I get kinda nervous, and therefore awkward. And then I feel dumb because other people don't and they can think on their feet and they aren't awkward around everyone or their boyfriend or their ex or their friends and they don't have random people thinking they're an idiot because they can't think of anything to say so they stand there with their arms crossed and a goofy smile plastered on their face so that they seem less awkward and and just get more nervous.
Run-on sentences are fun.
Oh modernism.
I have a feeling I don't know the whole story.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Shower
I finally got to wash my hair tonight. I hadn't been able to since Saturday on account of me getting it dyed, so it was all gross feeling. But now it feels amazing. I feel so clean.
I didn't go to tae kwon do tonight because I wasn't feeling well. So I tried to work on my costume for Acen, but the sewing machine broke, which sucks a lot. Like, really a lot.
I'm not so sure what I can do about it. And Acen is on Saturday, and I really need to get this thing done. I dunno...
A guy who liked me before started texting me again. Actually, he claims it was more than just like. I didn't really feel the same way though, because we had only met twice and I don't do the whole long-distance thing. But I always felt really bad because he's a really nice guy. But I really just don't feel that way about him.
I think love is dangerous. People seem to rush into it, which I think is stupid. It's too complicated a thing to just say "I love you" after a week, or after meeting someone only a few times.
People probably do that because they don't know what love is. I don't think I have any kind of right to psychoanalyze people, but that's my opinion.
I'm really excited for Acen.
I really wish I actually had some more money that I could spend there though. I really just...don't though. And anyway, I probably couldn't anyway since I'm such a tightwad. I really have a hard time spending more than like, 10 dollars at a time.
I really enjoy seeing people happy. But I really like talking to people when they're sad.
I think that's when you can really learn the most about a person.
And sometimes I think it helps to talk to someone who you know won't say a word.
I suddenly want to play one specific level in Super Mario Sunshine. I know it was one of the worst Mario games, but honestly they're all fun.
I didn't go to tae kwon do tonight because I wasn't feeling well. So I tried to work on my costume for Acen, but the sewing machine broke, which sucks a lot. Like, really a lot.
I'm not so sure what I can do about it. And Acen is on Saturday, and I really need to get this thing done. I dunno...
A guy who liked me before started texting me again. Actually, he claims it was more than just like. I didn't really feel the same way though, because we had only met twice and I don't do the whole long-distance thing. But I always felt really bad because he's a really nice guy. But I really just don't feel that way about him.
I think love is dangerous. People seem to rush into it, which I think is stupid. It's too complicated a thing to just say "I love you" after a week, or after meeting someone only a few times.
People probably do that because they don't know what love is. I don't think I have any kind of right to psychoanalyze people, but that's my opinion.
I'm really excited for Acen.
I really wish I actually had some more money that I could spend there though. I really just...don't though. And anyway, I probably couldn't anyway since I'm such a tightwad. I really have a hard time spending more than like, 10 dollars at a time.
I really enjoy seeing people happy. But I really like talking to people when they're sad.
I think that's when you can really learn the most about a person.
And sometimes I think it helps to talk to someone who you know won't say a word.
I suddenly want to play one specific level in Super Mario Sunshine. I know it was one of the worst Mario games, but honestly they're all fun.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Outline
I know I should be doing my sentence outline. That was pretty much the main reason why I couldn't do much stuff today. But if I didn't get this done first I wouldn't be able to concentrate much.
It was so fun. Like, everything about it, even when I was a total idiot and started freaking out. I almost broke down the door. But then I came to my senses, gave up, and it actually worked out ok.
And then the dance was fun. Normally dances aren't that great, but I suppose it depends on who you're with. If you're gonna dance, you both have to be having fun, and when we were dancing I think we were having fun. I was. I enjoy being a total buzzkill and slow dancing to shitty fast songs. And then fast dancing to the slow ones. And competitions are fun.
But that wasn't dancing.
I'm also never doing helium again. Didn't even work, and made me feel like total crap. Suppose that says how my body reacts to stuff that fucks with your head (and lungs I guess). There's my official excuse on why I won't do pot.
I wish the pictures had meant more. Like, I wanted them to be so happy, something that I could look back on and remember all the hope and happiness that was supposed to be there. But all I'm gonna feel is how I kew what was coming. My family's just gonna think I'm a total failure about all this stuff. And I don't even wanna say this cus I don't want to make anyone feel guilty or weird or anything. But they all think he's great. "Oh, he treats you so great, and you seem just so happy now." And it's so true. I've been more talkitive, in a generally better mood, and more like me around my FAMILY. That never happens.
It's funny how inspiration works.
I could post my causal paper here. It would be a great source to cite to help proove my point.
I wish I had something to fight for. I wish I didn't know she had the upper hand and that I know I would just flat out lose. Then maybe I would at least think I have a chance, and a reason to try. Sometimes I wish I weren't as perceptive as I am. That I didn't have the strong logic thing going on in my head. I know how I pride myself on that, that I have what I consider to be basic reasoning skills. But if I didn't then maybe I would be more inspired. A few days ago I was. I thought I had to fight.
But I know what's coming.
And I know there's no way to change it.
If only, if only.
I could leave it on a cliffhanger, but I don't want to. I want to say everything.
What if I hadn't been "la segunda?"
What if I hadn't been second?
What if I had lacked the decency to go right after him back in August or whenever it was? Like I had this time. Look how that's turning out.
But if I had last time, then this wouldn't have happened. I would have been the one who would be in her place. The one who just made him happy because I loved him and he loved me. How great would that be? My life would be complete.
At the same time though, right now I feel bad for thinking all of this. I knew EXACTLY what I was getting myself into when I started all of this pain for them. So why am I surprised? I suppose I'm not really. Though, I guess the fact that I knew it was all coming doesn't mean it has to make me feel any better. I guess I would say that's pretty legitimate.
But it was all so fun. I wish that he could actually see that. I know we could have fun like that afterwards too. Not everything has to be physical. (though I know that that's there) I could live just being friends. I got my turn. We should all get a turn at being happy at some point. If other people's turns are a little longer, well, that's just the way it goes sometimes. Not always fair, cus it's all just luck or design. but it's ok. That's just the way life is. There are some things you just can't change.
Today was fun too. I like the Pancake House.
But then we talked about stuff.
And then he felt sick.
And then he left.
He was going to be late to her,
and then leave to see X-Men.
My fault.
"A life without pain is a longingless chain of errors repeated again and again"
Thanks Pain
It was so fun. Like, everything about it, even when I was a total idiot and started freaking out. I almost broke down the door. But then I came to my senses, gave up, and it actually worked out ok.
And then the dance was fun. Normally dances aren't that great, but I suppose it depends on who you're with. If you're gonna dance, you both have to be having fun, and when we were dancing I think we were having fun. I was. I enjoy being a total buzzkill and slow dancing to shitty fast songs. And then fast dancing to the slow ones. And competitions are fun.
But that wasn't dancing.
I'm also never doing helium again. Didn't even work, and made me feel like total crap. Suppose that says how my body reacts to stuff that fucks with your head (and lungs I guess). There's my official excuse on why I won't do pot.
I wish the pictures had meant more. Like, I wanted them to be so happy, something that I could look back on and remember all the hope and happiness that was supposed to be there. But all I'm gonna feel is how I kew what was coming. My family's just gonna think I'm a total failure about all this stuff. And I don't even wanna say this cus I don't want to make anyone feel guilty or weird or anything. But they all think he's great. "Oh, he treats you so great, and you seem just so happy now." And it's so true. I've been more talkitive, in a generally better mood, and more like me around my FAMILY. That never happens.
It's funny how inspiration works.
I could post my causal paper here. It would be a great source to cite to help proove my point.
I wish I had something to fight for. I wish I didn't know she had the upper hand and that I know I would just flat out lose. Then maybe I would at least think I have a chance, and a reason to try. Sometimes I wish I weren't as perceptive as I am. That I didn't have the strong logic thing going on in my head. I know how I pride myself on that, that I have what I consider to be basic reasoning skills. But if I didn't then maybe I would be more inspired. A few days ago I was. I thought I had to fight.
But I know what's coming.
And I know there's no way to change it.
If only, if only.
I could leave it on a cliffhanger, but I don't want to. I want to say everything.
What if I hadn't been "la segunda?"
What if I hadn't been second?
What if I had lacked the decency to go right after him back in August or whenever it was? Like I had this time. Look how that's turning out.
But if I had last time, then this wouldn't have happened. I would have been the one who would be in her place. The one who just made him happy because I loved him and he loved me. How great would that be? My life would be complete.
At the same time though, right now I feel bad for thinking all of this. I knew EXACTLY what I was getting myself into when I started all of this pain for them. So why am I surprised? I suppose I'm not really. Though, I guess the fact that I knew it was all coming doesn't mean it has to make me feel any better. I guess I would say that's pretty legitimate.
But it was all so fun. I wish that he could actually see that. I know we could have fun like that afterwards too. Not everything has to be physical. (though I know that that's there) I could live just being friends. I got my turn. We should all get a turn at being happy at some point. If other people's turns are a little longer, well, that's just the way it goes sometimes. Not always fair, cus it's all just luck or design. but it's ok. That's just the way life is. There are some things you just can't change.
Today was fun too. I like the Pancake House.
But then we talked about stuff.
And then he felt sick.
And then he left.
He was going to be late to her,
and then leave to see X-Men.
My fault.
"A life without pain is a longingless chain of errors repeated again and again"
Thanks Pain
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