Vibrato

I've been working really hard lately on developing my vibrato.
It shows up sometimes, but only when I'm like, driving alone in my car belting out "A Part of That" while the radio plays something else stupid and irrelevant. Of course it doesn't show up during my voice lessons while I'm singing the same damn song. It makes no sense whatsoever, as I'm completely comfortable around my teacher. Actually, I think he's a really cool guy. He's all into old-school video games (And Zelda just so happens to be his favourite). We had a lesson once when we just talked about games the entire time. It was great, but a total waste of 25 dollars.

How allegorical, right?

I really wish I weren't so awkward around him, or everyone. But my mind always just seems to go blank, and I get nervous for no reason. And then I just start hitting things to be playful, or whatever it is.
It makes making new friends difficult. I'm awkward sometimes around the current ones, but they all rock so much that they wouldn't leave me for that. They just don't like to take me along to meet their other friends. So I feel pretty stuck, because nobody new wants to meet me.

And it makes me feel very unintelligent too. Like I have absolutely no idea what's going on, or what to do, or that my mind just doesn't have anything going on. But I know that's not true. Yeah, I may not be the smartest person ever, but I know that I have some pretty intelligent thoughts going on in here.
And maybe that explains why I can never seem to say anything intelligent during English or whatever. I get kinda nervous, and therefore awkward. And then I feel dumb because other people don't and they can think on their feet and they aren't awkward around everyone or their boyfriend or their ex or their friends and they don't have random people thinking they're an idiot because they can't think of anything to say so they stand there with their arms crossed and a goofy smile plastered on their face so that they seem less awkward and and just get more nervous.

Run-on sentences are fun.

Oh modernism.

I have a feeling I don't know the whole story.